Posted 21 hours ago
Posted 21 hours ago

counterculture-queen:

gingahhh:

things to not put in your butt

I WATCHED THIS VIDEO BEFORE I LOST MY VIRGINITY BECAUSE THE TITLE WAS FUNNY AND I AM SO GLAD I DID BECAUSE WHEN I WAS DOING THE DO I THOUGHT OF IT AND QUOTED IT SO THE GUY I WAS WITH HAD TO STOP AND SIT DOWN FOR 10 MINUTES. WE GOT PIZZA INSTEAD OF DOING ANYTHING ELSE. MEMORIES.

(Source: dilatatum)

Posted 1 day ago
Posted 1 day ago

a-precis:

recoveringtopanga:

peruvian—goddess:

blondesquats:

spfydalekbakes:

Ray Rice Inspired Makeup Tutorial

fuckin slay

OH MY GOD THIS IS THE BEST

This was fucking hilarious and then shit got WAY real

(Source: youtube.com)

Posted 1 day ago

strigays:

strigays:

i apparently go to bird school
which is for birds

gODDAMNIT this post always getS TINY FUCKING BURSTS OF notes when will the carnage stop

(Source: purrinces)

Posted 1 day ago

spicy-vagina-tacos:

maplehoofs:

WHY

THIS IS WHY GOD DOESNT TALK TO US ANYMORE

Posted 1 day ago

guiltyplaisir:

dialupmodem:

whosfuckingbad:

maltese-vulcan:

french-verbz:

Well now I can correctly moonwalk away from uncomfortable situations

Because everyone deserves to know how to do a mean moonwalk.

guYS THIS IS IMPORTANT

its not important

It’s important

(Source: alexbam2006)

Posted 1 day ago

How the Logic of "Friendzoning" Would Work If Applied in Other Instances:

  1. *Man walks into a store and finds employee*
  2. Man: Alright, I've had enough. Why haven't you guys hired me?!
  3. Employee: Uh...well sir, when did you put in your application?
  4. Man: I never filled out an application.
  5. Employee: Well sir, we can't consider you for employment if you've never filled out an application.
  6. Man: No, that's bullshit, because I've been coming here for years now, and every single time I tell you all how much I love this store and how much I appreciate your customer service, unlike some of your other customers might I add!
  7. Employee: Well, but that doesn't-
  8. Man: AND I even told you that I didn't have a job!
  9. Employee: But sir, that doesn't indicate to us that you would like a job at our store. And again, if you've never filled out an application, we can't consider you. Besides, we're not hiring.
  10. Man: OH! Not hiring, HA! What a laugh. I see your store go through seasonal workers all the time. They come and go like nothing, but you won't consider me as a part-time employee even though I KNOW you've been looking for workers to fill positions? That's insane!
  11. Employee: Sir, we've been looking to hire a few people for management positions. Do you have any management experience?
  12. Man: Well no, but what does that matter?
  13. Employee: ...Well sir, that's what we're looking for. You won't be suitable for the position without management experience.
  14. Man: Oh that's such a load of crap. You know, you'll be waiting around a long time for a manager if you don't lower your standards a little. Who cares if someone knows how to manage a store? I LOVE this store and I'm willing to work here, that's all that should matter to you.
  15. Employee: That...doesn't make any sense.
  16. Man: NO! I'm done. This is over. From now on, no more Mr. Nice Guy.
  17. Employee:
  18. Man:
  19. Employee:
  20. Man: Fuck you, slut.
Posted 1 day ago
What's the most illegal thing you ever did?
Anonymous asked

almanzapedia:

At Stanford there was this Professor who was a total bitch and she taught British Literature, which was cool. Except she taught only her opinions of the books and it didn’t help me as a writer. I went to school to learn new things to improve my craft, not have someone else’s opinions carved onto my forehead.

So anyway, for our final project, she asked us to write a ten page paper on why the color symbolism in Othello was so significant. I did some research and it turned out that she did her entire graduate thesis on this very subject. I was mad. This wasn’t teaching, this was boosting her ego. SO I wrote a ten page essay on why color symbolism in Othello wasn’t significant, satirizing it to the point of no return, saying that her opinion was an opinion and shouldn’t be taken seriously.

SHe failed me, needless to say. So in retaliation, I responded by baking a batch of brownies laced with weed and laxatives and delivered them myself to the professor hours before her big graduation speech. I told her that it was a peace offering, my way of apologizing and asking if I could do anything to fix my grade.

She refused to fix my grade.

In the end, she shit herself on stage.

I didn’t regret it.

Posted 1 day ago

scareamore:

oh my god so i was band merch hunting at hot topic yesterday, and you know it was busy, lots of other folks in the store looking around, when all of a sudden the intro to Welcome To The Black Parade came on

LITERALLY THE WHOLE STORE WENT SILENT

IT WAS LIKE 20 EMOS HOLDING THEIR BREATH AT ONCE

they changed it mid song because i think someone was about to start crying

Posted 2 days ago

vargskelethor:

Its out, the long awaited sequel to the Windows XP Destruction video. Enjoy, This computer didn’t.

Posted 2 days ago

roboboners:

jayda95:

all-because-we-fell-in-love:

floozys:

vagina’s are able to stretch wide enough to give birth to a fucking baby and then return to it’s original size but of course being penetrated by that grass blade you call a penis is what’s going to make it “loose”

Uhh. The baby doesnt come out of where the penis goes in…

stay in school y’all

i hate to be the bearer of bad news but the vagina and the vagina are, in fact, the same thing